DANCE DANCE DANCE!!!

Hey there beautiful souls,

Welcome to my Newsletter series. I’ve written this piece in fragments, during my travels to Thailand. Some were written in Jomtien, while I was sitting in a lovely cafe right next to my hotel, after five nights in a row of dancing in Wonderfruit Festival. Some were written in the comfort of my friend’s cosy home in Chiang Mai after having a shared home-cooked meal.

This week’s theme- the embrace of originality- choosing to live as who we truly are even if it feels uncomfortable.

Let’s step into this week’s D-A-N-C-E together

Dancing

Since I have been at it for the last five days, I just realised how we don’t recognise dancing as a form of exercise but it is undeniably a form of movement- one where it radiates so much joy from within and to the ones around us. Do you get a leap of joy when you watch someone dance either live or even just on a youtube channel? Dancing awakens something deep within for me- I often prefer to dance with my eyes closed and just move with the music. In healthcare, we emphasise so much on exercises that are good for our cardiorespiratory fitness but we forget to move our hips with JOY and set our souls on fire. Yes and of course at times we are too self aware of our dance moves that we rather sit and watch than participate- we all have been there but at the end of the day, all of the so called dance genres were created by someone- be it ballet or hiphop- it was started by someone somewhere in the corner of the world. Today I’m here to challenge you- JUST DANCE. DANCE like no one is watching. Your tune, your body, your moves. You are the creator of your very own grooves. Even if it is just swaying your hips from left to right, just do it! Life is too short not to have some silly moves of happiness.

“Dance like no one is watching”

Actuality

Recently I’ve been reflecting on the actuality of our thoughts- especially on self perception- how much of what we believe about ourselves is actually the reality. We often say things like “ I am this type of person….” “I think I am …..” “ I am the kind that …..”

Perhaps all of it is true, but maybe it is not a bad idea at all to ask a few closed ones “What do you think? Do you agree that I have a tendency to … “ For example one may think that they do not complain much or that they are calm and collected etc but in actuality- their friends and family find that they do complain incessantly or that they are rather aggressive in nature. As much as we love to fact check on the internet on various news and informations, perhaps it is also good to fact check ourselves every now and then especially with self perception as it can be quite deceiving. Perhaps it is better to stand corrected than sit in years with a blindspot. Also, the reason I’m wiring about this is I personally think no one has the courage to just go and burst someone’s self perception bubbles without being asked. Only when one is invited for an open discussion, then, an infinite possibility of personal development can take place.

Novice

noun- a person new to or inexperienced in a field or situation.

We were once a beginner in every single thing we ever did in our lives. I was once a novice doctor, a novice surfer, a novice hiker, a novice runner and the latest addition is being a novice gym girl. It is extremely intimidating to be a beginner, attempting a new activity especially if everyone seems like they know what they are doing. I tend to get nervous about doing something new while being in a social setting. The three mentalities I always use to cope with these jitters are

1) PAST REINFORCEMENT- Reminding myself over and over again about how I felt exactly the same way about a previous experience and recalling how it gets better over time

2) CURRENT HONESTY- Openly sharing the vulnerability/ fear to others who are experienced in that field. Never underestimate the power of sharing authentic honest emotions. A friend of mine actually went to the gym with me for the first time today after I told him how I feel intimidated by ‘gymbros’ and he actually taught me how to use all the equipments- it felt really good to do it together with him, and he was more than happy to help me through it.

3) FUTURE IMPACT- Assuring myself that there is someone out there who is feeling exactly the same and one day I will be guiding and sharing my insights with them. This is actually a very empowering motivation.

“It is okay to look like a fool a hundred times in the road to mastery”

“A man learns to skate by staggering about making a fool of himself; indeed, he progresses in all things by making a fool of himself.”
— George Bernard Shaw

Conformity

the act of changing your behaviors, beliefs, or attitudes to align with group norms, social expectations, or perceived pressure

This is very common- more than we would like to admit- about ourselves. We human beings are social creatures, we have inherent desires for approval- to be accepted and to fit in. One clear example could be when everyone is having an alcoholic drink, and one person says no- there is almost immediately a negative reaction to the act of refusal.

Direct influences of conformity include encouragement from others to drink, or even someone buying you one after you’ve said ‘no’, whereas indirect influences are from seeing your friends have a good time after alcohol consumption.

There are a few famous experiments on conformity especially The Asch conformity experiment, conducted by Solomon Asch in the 1950s, it showed how social pressure influences individuals to conform, even when the group's answer is clearly wrong. Participants judged the length of lines alongside actors who deliberately gave incorrect answers, demonstrating a strong tendency to go along to fit in or because they doubted their own perception

Resistance to conformity can be cultivated by protective behaviour strategies- one of it is being crystal clear about your values and reasons for your choices (e.g., choosing not to drink for health, mental clarity, religion, or simply preference). Strong internal compass really does help build confidence in saying NO. You may even write it down- WHY do I choose not to drink? WHY do I choose this lifestyle?

Here’s a link to a 6 minutes video on Asch’s experiment so you can ponder upon the effect of conformity in your life. We may think that we would not have conformed, but in reality almost everyday we are faced with such ‘conformity tests’ and perhaps failed many of them.

Engagement

“Normalize letting people share their experience without turning the conversation toward your own. Every story does not need a matching story. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is simply listen an hold space for what they are trying to express”

I found this statement extremely profound. We hardly think about these things but when I read this it really hit a nerve. The way we engage in conversations is the key in fostering nourishing relationships. How many times have you left a conversation feeling unheard, unseen because the other person kept retelling a matching story? Now, think about the times that perhaps you have done that to a friend with the intention of showing them ‘you know exactly how they feel’ as a way of bonding. You may have meant to connect but in reality it actually shifts the focus away from the person.

I have been in these situations multiple times and it can be really unpleasant. These days I use my body as a compass to evaluate conversations. If I feel tired, exhausted and even emotionally relieved when someone leaves or the conversation ends, it just means my nervous system did not feel safe with this person and high chances are that the space I needed was not held for me.

Listening — truly listening to others — is an act of empathy and emotional self regulation. It requires:

Engagement in conversations are not meant to be always rooted in advice, solutions or shared miseries. Perhaps it is simply giving the gift of presence to the one sharing without needing to match nor mirror stories.

Until next Sunday, may you D-A-N-C-E through your days — dance to your own rhythm, fact check the actuality of your self-perception, dare to be a novice, resist conformity and lastly engage in conversations more effectively with depth and presence.

Much love,

Dr Sharolyn

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