Dear beautiful souls
Welcome to my newsletter series. This week I’m writing to you from my apartment in Kuala Lumpur - with a glass of warm water mixed with Himalayan saffron as my companion, and the blissful midnight silence to slowly gather my thoughts.
This week’s theme- the ebb and flow between authentic self-awareness and the courage to begin again
Let’s step into this week’s D-A-N-C-E together
Distraction
The truth is, the past few weeks, I have been extremely distracted- doom scrolling, sleeping past midnight, late night indulgence of spicy instant noodles while binge watching Peaky Blinders episode after episode. I was uninspired and unmotivated and all of my healthy habits flew out of the window just like that. This made me realise how easy it is to fall back into old patterns even if I have cultivated healthy habits for years. And as days passed, I feel more fatigued and brain fogged and less and less work is done and it became a vicious cycle of slacking- guilt- slacking more.
I got extremely frustated so I created a lifestyle reset journal for myself and each day as I fill them, I started noticing my own patterns. Instead of judging myself, I decided to observe. The journal became my mirror —and precisely because I know the components in it and how it feels to fill it, it helped me make better choices. I became more accountable to my own choices throughout the day and this helped me reset the parts I was slacking one by one, bit by bit.
Here’s a reminder that even as a lifestyle medicine doctor, I crumble as well, and that is part of being human. However, here’s also proof that we all can begin again at any given time. Isn’t that a wonderful news?
I named it Lifestyle Reset journal because it helped me reframe my “All-or-none” thinking - which means seeing things in extremes — good or bad, success or failure, perfect or worthless — with no middle ground.
All-or-None Thought | Balanced Reframe |
|---|---|
“I messed up my diet last night, so I might as well give up.” | “One meal doesn’t define me. I can make a better choice at my next meal.” |
You’ll find the Lifestyle Reset Journal attached at the end of this newsletter — as my gift to you- a little nudge to pause, reflect, and get back on track with intention and self-compassion.
Authenticity
Definition- the ability to know, feel, and express one’s true emotions, thoughts, and needs
To be authentic means to be ourselves, being present with ourselves, connected to our body and emotions, but the most important component of it is to NOT be afraid to be ourselves. Unfortunately, human beings are the only creatures that give up their authenticity for social reasons.
I was meditating on this philosophical concept pioneered by Jean Paul Satre of ‘The Gaze’- which is seeing yourself as if through someone else’s eyes. When you feel yourself being looked at, you lose direct access to your experience and start seeing yourself from the outside. Over time, the gaze can be internalized- even when no one is there, the gaze shapes how you see yourself and you start to perform to cater for the imaginary viewer! - This concept really sat with me for the whole week.
The cost of the gaze is a quiet disconnection from authenticity. Hence, the question now is not about who you are when you are being watched or not, it is a question of reclaiming authenticity.
The good news is- authenticity is an essential part of you, you cannot be robbed of your own authenticity. It may be suppressed, repressed, hidden for the sake of attachment/ fitting in.
The part of you that notices that something you are saying/ doing/ behaving is inauthentic- is the authentic self. And when you notice it, the right way to approach it is “I wasn’t being authentic and Im wondering why not?'“
No one can prescribe what authenticity should look like for anyone else. Only you can.
One exercise that may help kick start your journey to spot inauthenticity- Think about this question carefully and write it down
In your life, where is the 'no' that wants to be said but isn't? And why not?
Noticing
The art of noticing is to actively become aware of something. How often do we notice? What is it that we notice? The details of the observation- colours, shapes, consistencies, emotions, bodily sensations etc.
If its up to me, I would love to write down everything I notice, but there’s just too much everyday to journal it away. So one thing I often do is I explain to someone what I have noticed over the week- it ranges from deep emotions or insights to telling someone in detail about an insect structure that I saw for the first time in my life!
This week, I noticed that I am very aware of my heart rate at any given time. I notice when it is racing (this is obvious especially when Im running or in heightened emotions) but I also seem to be very aware of it when it is slowing down ( in meditation/breathwork or in unwell situations). I didn’t know I had this strong awareness my own heartbeat until this week and I shared this with my mum that these activities I indulge in- sports/meditations actually has added benefits- now I’m so attuned to my heart that I immediately detect when something is out of the norm.
And here, I would like to highlight that noticing is not the same as judging or making conclusions. Noticing is just seeing it as it is- a simple act of observation.
I believe both the external world and our internal world deserve our attention. If you are not sure what noticing feels like, do this ‘5-4-3-2-1’ grounding exercise brings you to the present moment that may help you cultivate the art of noticing.
DESCRIBE IN FULL DETAILS( as specific as you can)
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
Comparisons
Comparison Is a Thief of Joy
It is such a normal human tendency to compare- especially between ourselves and others. We often almost immediately do it when we see others achieve something or crumbling in some aspect. The two thoughts that fill our heads “I am better than this person”/ “This person is better than me”. This either brings upon a superior notion or and inferior notion and neither is great for our wellbeing.
Instead of stopping yourself from comparing, this week, perhaps the more realistic and effective way is to replace the subject of your comparison to yourself.
Every time I catch myself comparing my life with someone else- I replace the person with the old me.
“I run so slow compared to personX” vs “I run faster than me in 2019”-
“I am running longer than personY” vs “ I couldn’t even run this long 6months ago”
This practice done long enough eventually replaces others in your control group of your hypothetical comparisons- and shifts into your own internal world where you eventually are only competing with your old self, and it either motivates you or humbles you- both are wonderful outcomes.
Strive to be better than who you are yesterday but also honour the truth that as time passes, change, even loss, is part of being human.
Empathy
Empathy is the antidote of shame- Brene Brown
She said that if we put Shame in a petri dish, it needs three elements to grow exponentially: Secrecy, Silence and Judgement. And if you put the same amount of shame and douse it with empathy, it CANNOT survive.
I found this so profound.
So, how do we actually practice this?
Here’s a mini framework on a common shame theme- I AM NEVER GOOD ENOUGH
Notice: “I’m thinking I’m never going to be good enough.”
Name: “This is shame—my mind is trying to protect me from rejection.”
Reframe: “If my best friend said to me- ‘I’m never good enough,’ what would I say to her?”
Empathize: “It makes sense I feel this way; I’ve been judged before, I have been rejected before, I learned early to equate love with performance.
I survived, learned, and kept showing up — that’s more than enough.”
Soothe: (hand to chest, whisper to yourself) “It’s okay. I am okay, I am loved and I am safe. I’m growing. I don’t need to be perfect to be worthy.”
Affirm: I don’t need to be perfect to be worthy. I am enough even when I’m not achieving. I am a human, growing, and beautifully imperfect. — just like everyone else.
Until next Sunday, may you D-A-N-C-E through your days — aware of your distractions, anchored in authenticity, practice the art of noticing, compare only with who you were yesterday, and cultivate empathy intetionally.
Much love,
Dr Sharolyn
A quote Im thinking about
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. ~ Carl Bard
